Ti Amo, Te Amo
by LicaToRiku
Summary: "Ti Amo Feliciano. I'll love you even after I die… I'm sorry… but Antonio's cries of 'Te Amo', they won't leave my mind. It haunts me…it scares me and it doesn't ever give me peace. It's so hard! Ti Amo fratello, always remember, love." Warning: Character deaths, Dark Themes


A/N: An Itacest Smut Fic requested by someone. I don't really like this pairing, but oh well what the hell.

Warning: SMUT, Sex Scenes, Dark Themes, Incest and Yaoi.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.

**Ti Amo, Te Amo**

Lovino stared at the tombstone that read the name of his best friend. Yes he had a best friend, and his name was Antonio Carriedo. Antonio would have laughed at this thought…maybe he was even laughing from the heavens as Lovino thought about it, but really Antonio even though it was unspoken, was his best and only true friend. Everyone; every person out there would have thought that he was mocking the good memory of Antonio Carriedo when he said that, because to Antonio, Lovino was everything. Lovino was Antonio's life…and yet Lovino still couldn't understand why he was even worthy of Antonio's attention or why Antonio was stupid enough to be six feet under because of him.

"Idiot…you really fucked up didn't you?"

Sitting all alone in the grassy cemetery facing his best friend's newly built tomb, Lovino half chuckled as he tried to suppress the sobs he was holding in. He didn't bring flowers for Antonio because he was never really planning on visiting him…ever. He thought he didn't have the face nor the courage to face the remnants of the one man that he ruined.

"Heh…don't laugh at me like that bastard…"

He was wrong…Lovino was completely wrong, he was wrong in everything up until now.

"You know…I wonder why I never did love you like that… If...if I fell in love with you, you wouldn't have to die, right?"

Wet tears trekked down Lovino's face.

"I'm such an idiot. BUT YOU'RE A BASTARD, bastard."

Lovino reached out to touch the tombstone, but he stopped and balled his hands to a fist. He hit the ground with his fist.

"You didn't HAVE to die. There are OTHERS in the world Antonio; it didn't have to be ME. Why me?"

'_Lovino…why do you always think that way?'_

"I'm SICK. I'M DISGUSTING. I CAN'T LOVE YOU… I couldn't love you even if I tried. GOD knows I tried Antonio…but I can't…I can't because I love my brother."

Lovino choked as his sobs turned into wails. He could feel the cold breeze moving to his skin, he shivered as a wave of disgust and numbness passed through him.

"Antonio…you knew didn't you? You knew I loved Feli. BUT YOU STILL LOVED ME, YOU BASTARD!"

'_You can't control love mi Lovino.'_

"You idiot, I HATE YOU."

Lovino stretched his legs fully to one side and continued.

"Feliciano thought we were dating… Were we? We weren't right? I don't know anymore."

He sniffled in amusement.

"Fuck buddies?"

'_Lovino don't use such a term!'_

"Well he was happy for us! WHY WAS HE HAPPY FOR US…for you? I didn't love you…not like that."

'_I know.'_

"Shut up."

Lovino looked up at the dark sky sadly. It was around noon when he left his house; he wondered what time it was already. How long was he in Feliciano's house? How long was he grieving here? But then again…who cares? He looked back down at Antonio's tombstone and read it again.

"You know…dying before twenty sucks, but I bet you don't regret what you did, bastard. BUT I'll regret for you."

'Lovi, whatever happens…never regret mistakes, you learn from them. What's important is you did what you thought was right.'

Lovino wiped his tears.

"Fucking optimistic bastard… I REGRET THAT I LET YOU WALK AWAY THAT NIGHT. I regret not stopping you. I regret that it was raining… but I don't regret getting in a fight with Feli because of that fucking ass hole, Ludwig. He needs to fucking die. Why did it have to be you?"

'_Feli loves Ludwig.'_

"Why does he have to love that ass hole? Why couldn't it be me Antonio? But then that would have sucked for you wouldn't it…you know? I'm a selfish person."

'_Te Amo Lovino, please calm down.'_

Lovino sighed and once again wiped the tear stains in his face. He closed his eyes and just breathed letting the cold wind tickle his skin. He tried to listen to the sound of the trees' leaves swaying with the wind, but all he could hear was Antonio's gentle voice whispering nonsensical words in his ears.

"But don't worry…I showed him how much I loved him. I love him more than the potato bastard could ever have loved him!" Romano couldn't help chuckling with dry humor. His tears continued to fall down again.

* * *

He finally did it.

He, Lovino Vargas, finally made love to his brother. Though never in his wildest imaginations did he predict that he would lose all his senses and do such a crime.

What he did was a crime against God, a crime against society, a crime against the law and most of all…a crime against love- against Feliciano.

He thought he was damned, and well maybe he was damned as damned shit can be…

But after the shock, he didn't care at all.

He could die happy now. Die happily miserable because he's not going to where Antonio was, no he wasn't.

Lovino can still vividly remember as he took full advantage of his brother hours ago.

He could remember how Feliciano quivered under him, crying in agony and fear while he pinned him down the bed, stripped him of his clothes, forced his legs open and entered him raw. He could remember how his heart pounded as he entered Feliciano over and over again. He though finally sharing a moment of intimacy with Feliciano would take him to cloud nine, it would make him happy…it would feel so good. But everything was bland.

He could remember…but he couldn't feel it at all.

It wasn't sex it was rape, and it wasn't pleasurable it was numbing.

His lips quivered at the thought that maybe Feliciano might have known what he was going to do…maybe he was allowed to do what he did…maybe…maybe not.

Did he?

Maybe Feli already knew about Lovino's sick obsession towards him; his younger brother…or maybe Feli just was that weak.

Who knows? Who cares?

Lovino sure didn't.

Today Lovino decided to visit Feliciano. It had been 5 months since Antonio's death and aside from the usual work he does, he didn't have anything much to do aside from trying in vain to put back his life together or try to change his life seeing as it practically only revolved around Feliciano and Antonio. Especially the latter, who was his companion almost more than half of the time. Today he just really wanted to talk to Feliciano…to stare at him for a while and listen to his annoyingly beautiful voice as he talk about nothings and then he would take his leave, try to find a better way of living life while continually cursing Antonio to the pits of hell for leaving him alone. That was his plan, his goal for the day…but it didn't turn out well like that.

You must understand first that it had long dawned on him that 'Feliciano and Lovino' being in a loving relationship as more than just brothers would never happen. It was against everything logical- and Lovino knew Feliciano himself didn't particularly liked Lovino in the same fashion that he did. But a man can love and love even without the slightest hope of reciprocation if he pleases. He had the right to love, yes. It was just a matter of coincidence or luck if the person you loved, loved you back, but in Lovino's case, he wasn't even spared a glance. So now all Lovino can do is admire Feliciano while standing behind the word 'brother', because Feliciano is his beloved brother.

That's that, Lovino lived to secretly please his love for Feliciano and so there he was in Feliciano's shared apartment with Ludwig. Ludwig was away in some sort of business and Lovino came just in time while Feliciano was cooking pasta as usual. When Feliciano asked his brother what brought him to his place Lovino grumbled some incoherent nonsense that only made sense to Feliciano as 'Why not?'.

In all honestly Lovino couldn't remember the conversation that flowed once they were seated in the dining table, Feliciano's homemade pasta as their lunch for the day. What Romano could remember though was feeling envious of Ludwig to always come home to pasta made by his brother. Maybe he did make a remark about Ludwig of some sort because that damned bastard, as Romano would put it was the start of their conflict.

Romano was shouting and Feliciano though crying, was shouting at him as well.

…or maybe Feliciano asked about Antonio? Damn, he really couldn't remember.

Lovino also couldn't remember what Feliciano said…it had something to do with love maybe, he doesn't know anymore.

What he does know is that whatever Feliciano said that moment made him snap.

In a blink of an eye Lovino was gripping Feliciano's wrist pulling him to the bedroom, Ludwig and Feliciano's bedroom.

It was sick. He felt sick and disgusting all over, but he still didn't have the heart to apologize to Feliciano. He didn't even feel the need to apologize. It was just that yes what he did was wrong…but the agony he went through from childhood until now, it wasn't probably half of what Feliciano felt…right?

No?

Who cares?

* * *

Lovino pulled out his cellphone and dialed Feliciano's number. He hoped his little brother would pick the call up.

_He has to pick it up._

"I want to hear your voice before I die fratello." He said in an irritated tone. Feliciano wasn't picking up. Why was he prolonging his time here in this shitty world? Didn't he know that sitting in front of Antonio's tombstone was depressing enough?

He was SO excited to die. Why won't Feliciano pick up?

"C-ciao fratello?" Lovino winced as he heard Feliciano's half panicked voice. Was he scared of him? Why did he pick up then?

"F-Feli…I have to tell you something…."

"…" Lovino could hear Feliciano's fail attempt to conceal his sobs. Poor Feliciano. Did he hate him now?

"I'm sorry." He didn't mean that at all. He wasn't sorry at all.

"No you aren't fratello…."

"Ti amo fratello."

"…ti amo?" Is Feliciano asking him if he loves him? Of course he loves him. Why would he do that if he didn't.

"I love you."

"I thought you loved Antonio fratello. You told me you loved him fratello. Why did you do such a thing?!" No. No. No. Feliciano can't hate him.

"SHUT UP.

"No fratello, we have to talk about this. I-I forgive you, but please…"

"No."

"Fratello…ti amo, please."

"No. No. No Feliciano!" Romano took out his hand gun and looked at, but his tears suddenly blocked his sight. What kind of 'Ti Amo' did you mean?

"Please…" Feliciano sounded tired. Was he tired of Lovino?

"Listen to me please, just, just don't speak for a while."

"…fratello…"

"SHUT UP FELI!" Lovino shook his head and wiped his tears away with the hand holding his gun. He then positioned it in his temple and took a deep breath.

"…I'm sorry." Feliciano cried meekly.

"Ti Amo Feliciano. I'll love you even after I die… I'm sorry… but Antonio's cries of 'Te Amo', they won't leave my mind. It haunts me…it scares me and it doesn't ever give me peace. It's so hard! Ti Amo fratello, always remember, love." He smiled and dropped his phone.

"It's just sad…I won't ever see Antonio again."

_Bang._

"…_goodbye Feliciano…goodbye Antonio. Don't worry, you won't meet me in heaven."_


End file.
